I'm going to post a blog, just for the fun of it.

I'd forgotten I had a blog! I mean, I remembered that I've had blogs in my life, but I'd completely forgotten this latest incarnation and that it was full of pregnancy posts and then dropped off the deep end. Funny! I've been so addicted to Facebook as a means of communicating my day to day that Giorno Bello just slipped my mind.

It's June! The weather is beautiful! I'm tan! I weigh less than I have since getting pregnant with Suzie 5 years ago! I'm addicted to couponing and have a stocked pantry and am saving my family a ton of money! I've got a year and a half sobriety next month!

Wow! Wow! Wow! Can you believe it? And most of all can you believe I'm nearly off-the-charts happy? I'm eating well, I'm working on the house, I'm nurturing my family, I'm taking care of me...Life is good. Really really really good.

So let's see, since it's been a while, a quick re-cap. Suz is 4 1/2 now and just finishing her first year at Montessori school. The whole family loves her school and she's doing so well there. I'm so proud of her. Today, she corrected MY grammar! How cool is that?!? She's doing ballet and playing soccer and loves doing puzzles. She's still a temperamental challenge and pretty quick to fly into a rage, but overall she's really a joy.

Ben is awesome! He's nearly 7 months old now and HUGE! 22 LBS! He's big into milk, has an infectious smile and the sweetest big round head covered in golden, silky blond hair.

I'm still not working--loving that! Taking care of the house, doing the shopping, working on projects; totally my thing. I think if John could get rid of about half of his possessions (and come into some easy money) my life would be just about perfect.

Sobriety is still great--can you believe it's been a year and a half? It's crazy--I can't imagine ever going back to drinking, and it feels like I've been sober my entire life; but me, the girl who ALWAYS had a drink in her hand has not had a single drop in 18 months. God is good. It's an amazing thing. I love being a sober mom, I love being a sober wife, I love being sober. It's gorgeous.

Sick kids...

Actually only one, Suzie, seems really sick, Ben is just growing I think. He's huge, and gets bigger by the day, it can't feel good to grow so much so quickly. Not much going on aside from that. I've been spending way too much time on Facebook, a fair amount of time reading Book 5 of the Southern Vampire series, and really an exciting amount of time re-reading some buddhist and 12 step texts. It feels good to have the time and desire to want to focus on health again.

I've been doing Eat to Live since a few days before Christmas; it's a really strict, mostly vegan diet and I've lost a ton of weight. It's cool though, between the diet and Ben's lactose intolerance there is just so much that I can't eat; I'm pretty much eating oatmeal and a fruit smoothie for breakfast, a huge salad for lunch, and a bowl of soup or a pound of steamed veggies for dinner (I'm seriously eating about 3 FREAKING POUNDS of vegetables a day); and it's kind of like my body has detoxed its craving for crap out of itself. About once a week I'll go on a bender and eat like, an entire box of applets and cotlets or make up some vegan cookie dough and eat it raw but other than that, it feels like a weight has been lifted to not be thinking about food all the time.

Have I mentioned how much I love Zoloft?

I suppose not since I haven't really mentioned anything since November but honestly, if Zoloft wanted to have a spokesmodel--I would sooooo volunteer. It's changed my life, really; I wish I'd started taking it YEARS ago. I am so calm and peaceful, very little phases me, I'm much more tolerant of others, I'm just...happy. The other night I stayed up later than my family, just playing on the computer, when I got in bed at 11, instead of fighting through my stress to fall asleep, I just layed (lied, lie???) cuddling with Ben and smiling. I smiled my way to sleep. Isn't that wild? It's amazing.

I really wouldn't call myself a blogger.

But I will say that my little boy is 3 months old today and weighs 17 pounds. He can also roll onto his side and then do a little grunt and flail himself back onto his back. He's obviously a genius.

Other than that...not much. I'm getting unemployment, I'm vacuuming a lot, I'm baking muffins. I've lost 60 pounds since 11/11.

I love Facebook.

Photos

Here's a link to J's (hehe) flickr page (now with real names!).

I smell like pine tar and afterbirth.

And I'm really so over it--is there much more to be said? :)

But the PUPPP is close to gone and the zoloft seems to have regulated my PPD. Cool. Plus, at least so far I've got a laid-back, colic-free little baby and have had my mom here helping me all week; things are ok.

I can't believe I've got an 11 day old son and haven't had a minute (or the mental space) to write about him yet. He's gorgeous though, golden skin and shimmering blond hair just like his sister. And as John noted the other morning, he's just so kind. He's really just patient and sweet. Don't get me wrong--I love my wild daughter to pieces, but a laid back kid this time around is just what the doctor ordered. Knock wood.

Quick update. Doing Better. Mostly.

I'm still not 100% but the medicine has kicked in and I'm feeling alive again. I'm moving around; taking care of things; and most importantly not crying in front of Suzie all the time now. That was the worst of it--feeling so much guilt about ruining her life that every time I saw her I'd start crying, which is obviously so much worse. She's been sweet; concerned and as gentle as her fiery little self can be.

Plus, that rash I mentioned, it's called PUPPP--and it's absolutely horrifying. Skin clawing itchiness for which there seems to be no cure except time--like 4-6 weeks of it. Benadryl doesn't touch it; lanacaine, solarcaine, hydrocortizone--nothing. Except then I found a few natural remedies--Grandpa's pine tar soap, stinging nettle caps, and dandelion root tea, combined with this Sarna lotion makes it so at least my skin is still intact and I can get a few hours sleep a night. Not an ideal situation for an anxious, post-partum mom of two. I guess my body had a reaction to the huge amount of collagen pumped into it during the last two weeks of my pregnancy when Ben got so big so fast--it's an autoimmune thing.

Anyway, baby crying. Gotta run. At some point I'll actually write about the birth--which was great by the way!