Exhausted.

I'm seriously tired. Summer is ending quickly and I feel like it's all I can do to feed the family twice a day, clean the house a little, and get to work on time. Social stuff feels crazy, with everybody trying to fit in their end of summer fun; I feel blessed that so many people want to include us in their plans but really overwhelmed at trying to fit it all in. And then I feel like I should just chill out; take it as it comes; life is about the good stuff--the barbeques and the family time and the picnics; I'm letting it slip by because work is so stressful right now. I feel like I never decompress enough to just relax with friends; when I do get around my friends I feel socially inept and unable to communicate. I'm just a mess right now. I really just want to crawl under a rock for a few weeks.

Ideally, I'd like to go to this party on Sunday, but I'd like to just sit there; I don't even necessarily want anyone to come up to me. I'd like to just let the conversation wash over me until I feel comfortable enough to join in myself. I'd like John to take care of Suzie so I'm not feeling hyper-vigilant that she's not somewhere pissing off the childless or little babies. I just want a rest.

I want my mom to chill the fuck out. She over schedules herself and I make up for it. She watches Suzie a day a week, which is lovely, but she's in such a rush to get home to her next project/visitor/plan that it's always the feeling of stress when I come home on one of her days at my house because she's in such a hurry to leave.

My "best friend" is an insane person. I have to watch what I say constantly because from day to day she has entirely different expectations of everyone around her. If I'm honest she'll cut me off which I guess wouldn't be a bad thing, right? To clarify, this isn't the same crazy best friend that I started my last blog about, this is the previous crazy best friend who's now back in my life causing new havoc. See, I'm not allowed to make friends, I have terrible judgement in friends--I've collected enough friend baggage for a lifetime. What I wouldn't give to never have this crazy person pop up on my chat browser again. She is seriously sucking what little energy I have into her black vortex. Gross.

And then there's the boss. And work. God...I'm so tired.