Gut wrenching. :(

Leaving Suz in the mornings is tearing my heart out. She stands on the porch and cried and holds her arms out and stomps her feet; it's not just the crying, it's the crying coupled with that feeling of anguished frustration over having no control over your situation. It makes me sick for her. :( It's never fun, but it particularly sucks right now, I think because of this whole nesting thing. Every part of me is about family right now and leaving first thing in the morning to go to work (despite the fact that earning money to take care of them is totally important) goes against every natural impulse. Really though, she's only got 8 more days of daycare before school starts. I should probably tell her that again, maybe she'll cherish the short time she has left with these people.

Speaking of school, I just can't believe she's going off to school in September. She's beyond excited, even to the point of telling me what she'd like packed in her new lunchbox (that I've yet to purchase), but she's so small!!! Will she really be ok there? What if she's not potty trained enough yet? What if she needs help and doesn't know who to ask? :( :( :(

In other news, Suzie is just getting over Fifth Disease--didn't really affect her at all, minus a rash, but I've got to get a ton of blood work now because being in my 26th week of pregnancy is still a pretty dangerous time for the babe to catch it in utero. Pain in the butt!! And so worrysome. The doc says not to worry, so far the blood results don't look like I'm incubating anything but my god--I've had some serious illness/scary thing happen every trimester of this pregnancy. I am clearly too old for this. My mom says Soup is destined for great things, to have overcome this much adversity so early on, my sister says maybe I'm getting all of the tough stuff out of the way and he'll be an "easy" baby, I feel like I'm 35 and my body is not up to handling a pregnancy. 14 weeks to go...