I keep meaning to post and update but I just keep on not getting around to it. I'm beat. I'm so tired. The pregnancy is exhausting. The palsy is exhausting. Now I'm coming down with a cold and that's pretty damn exhausting as well. By 6 p.m. every single night I'm looking like the walking dead, staggering around with my arms out for balance. I'm so tired. I've been working short days for the past week, when I've gone in at all. Today will be my first full day back at work in awhile. I've got today and tomorrow to struggle through and them my mom and Suzie and I are headed off for 4 days on the Oregon coast. The weather is supposed to be gray and 55 degrees but I'm so happy to be getting away for a few days. Mostly though I'm just really overwhelmed with the exhaustion right now.
The fam and I went to a party on Saturday, some good friends are moving to CA so this was kind of their send off. EVERYONE was drinking; I had three urges to go into the kitchen and sneak a quick pull of wine. This coming from the pregnant girl who hasn't had a drink in 6 months. I didn't do it and I'm so glad but it continues to amaze me how strong the urge is. Even though it felt so great to be sober at a party and totally present for Suzie the urge was undeniably still there. Even though I've come to realize how great life is without hangovers and regrets of bad behavior and the ever looming threat of a DUI or worse, the urge is still there. It's just so powerful. God, seeing all those drunk and tipsy parents smoking and drinking and saying stupid things to their kids; it really hit home how good it feels to be sober for Suzie. It's so important.
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This is just me and my rambling thoughts and mouth (or typing fingers!) so please feel free to delete this comment. lol
I drank ALOT. ALOT. And I'll say it again ALOT until 18 years ago. Something happened....too long to type and it probably doesn't really matter what it was anyway, but at that moment I stopped.
It's 18 years later and I still fight the urge. I'm a "religious" mom of 4 kids with a husband that is nearly a saint. lol. And I still fight the urge. Honestly I don't think it goes away. The further I get from it the less I think about it. Unless it's a hard day. Or I'm mad. Or I'm sad. Or I'm angry. Or I'm lonely. Or I'm just in a bad mood and want to forget it all.
But mostly I'm ok unless I'm around an opportunity to have a drink. I think the only thing that has saved me, though, is time. There is something to be said about X amount of time since I had a drink. I'm a pretty weak person in so many ways, but I find strength in overcoming something that truely I never HATED doing. Time gives strength. You are doing so well. And someday it will be a year, then 10, then 20. There is strength in that.
Anyone can give up something that's a simple habit, but it takes a strong person to give up something that was a part of your life or something that you don't really want to give up always. But you are strong. And amazing. And you will be ok. ;)
Ok, so now you can hit delete if this sounds weird. lol!
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